Recently on FB there was a link to Where Child-Rearing PhilosophiesReally Come Frombeing shared and enjoyed by many parents. My comment was simple, “My philosophy is get through the day.” I can’t take anything more complicated than that because getting through the day is hard enough. Think about it – the basics are waking them up, feeding them and then getting them back in bed. Any parent knows those are not simple parts of the day.
Throw out the philosophies not the kids.
Everyone can have a bad day. Even babies. There is a there are idioms like ” Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed?” Some days it’s hard to get motivated or every little thing irritates us. There are so many factors in our lives there is no way to expect that we feel and react to each day the same way. BUT… Moods spread. Faster than germs in a preschool.
For me a huge piece to my parenting philosophie has to do with accepting who my kids are, that we are all different and we are not going to react to things the same way. Accepting that does not mean tolerating whatever they throw at me and vice versa.
In our house taking a break or removing the mood from the rest of the house is key to not letting things hit disaster level. If that means I need to lock the doors and head to my room for a few minutes, make a new cup of tea/coffee, turn up the music really load (to drown out the screaming) or turn on the TV I will do it. Kids have to find a place away from the rest of us until they feel they have their moods under control. Not a better mood necessarily because it’s not always feasible but under control.
If I can’t get a break or it doesn’t work we get out of the house (you should have seen my Target receipts before I had kids in school). I have found my kids and I behave better in public because of the fear that people we know might see us. Peer pressure is not all bad.
Surviving the day is not the simple answer but getting through the day is enough. Getting a hot shower, putting make-up on, going to the bathroom alone, reading a book, chatting with a friend…that’s just a bonus, right?
One of the hottest parenting topics and my biggest parenting challenges I have faced as a parent is food. Friends and family with food allergies, kids that barely show up on the growth chart, eating local, organic or should we be vegan…
The whole thing overwhelms me. Specific eaters who are sensitive to texture and temperature and must have high protein diet but nut-free at school and activities. Throw in eczema, attention and growth issues and we should also be casein and gluten free. Throw in a girl that cries when the wind shifts I’m wary of the soy/estrogen link.
No matter what my kids think/say I’m not mind-numbling stupid yet all these food rules kick my a$$.
Help me out! What have you found that works?
I would like to blog more but I struggle with what I feel is pressure to either love or hate parenting.
I love my kids and I’m pretty sure that anyone that has ever met us would say we love each other. But parenting is HARD!
Just like my kids don’t like me everyday I don’t like them everyday. People have bad days.
I want to share my story but often I don’t feel ‘perky’ enough to blog. And if you have ever met me perky is not a word to describe me.
I’m drole and sarcastic. I roll my eyes when my 5yo asks to read Dr. Seuss to me. My eyes roll to the back of my head when the kids want to tell me a story. I nod my head instead of listen because some days I just don’t care what my kid learned today.
And I’m super proud of them. They are in great school programs, at the top of their activities and everyone (but their siblings) find them a complete joy.
It’s not that I have something to say. It’s that if I speak the truth maybe others around me will too. And instead of making this parenting job harder we should have each others back.
Oh – and I do have your back and probably a bottle of wine too!
Tags: Parenting
This year I made a bunch of gifts. I’ve grown in some skills so it was great to share these gifts.
Tags: Crafty
Yesterday my son told me that he wanted to get along with the kids at school. B teared up and said, “I want to be liked not just the kid with the most AR points or best at math.” I gave him a hug a reminded him of all the people who love and enjoy his company. I then said, “Being a kid. Being in school. It’s such a short slice of live.” To which he replied, ”I thought being a kid was supposed to be fun. Isn’t that what people always say? That these are the fun years.”
It’s heartbreaking when your kid hurts like that. I just want to fix it and a cuddle doesn’t always serve as the cure. Besides the hurt is also terrifies me. As someone who felt so lonely and depressed at one point I tried to take my own life I am incredibly fearful that one of my kids will be so sad that they will feel like there is no hope left.
I struggle to find the words and actions to support my kids. I remember as a kid thinking my parents didn’t understand. I rolled my eyes and the things they said; they just didn’t get it. The thing is we (parents/adults) do get it. And our ache for our children is deep because we know what that sadness can feel like. But we also know that things can and do get better. So I worry my words won’t help B.
As, I thought about how I could help B feel better and a little less negative I turned to Dr. Michele Borba’s site (you may have see her on The Today Show) for some more ideas. As I read through a variety of articles I thought about the importance of positive thinking and positive energy all the time. Moods spread – a dark cloud over our head or a smile walking into a room can affect everyone around you. With the holiday season on us there is a lot of stress and I am more negative in my thinking and behavior. As always with parenting actions speak louder than words. My son doesn’t just need my comforting words sometimes he needs my positive thoughts and actions all of the time.
Instead of the ‘burden’ of holiday stress I should be thinking of:-
- The 5 amazing kids who are healthy and able to participate in these fun activities.
- The joy of sharing another birthday and remembering the story of how this child came into my life.
- The friends and family that will be sitting around my table, that used to belong to my grandmother, supporting my kids events and sharing love.
- The time my husband will be able to take to enjoy all of this with us. And how lucky I am he works so hard so I can stay home and we all can do the many things we do.
- The fact that even though things break around the house and being an adult isn’t always easy it’s not so easy being a kid either.
Just as I often say that having choices is a luxuries so are these ‘burdens’ because they are truly not burdens.
I hope B finds that these hard times are such a small part of childhood and the quality of good friendships outweigh the quantity of friends.
Articles from Dr. Borba’s site
Raising Optimistic Kids
Helping Kids Find, Make and Keep Friends
Tags: kids, making friends, Parenting, positive thinking, resi, suicide
I feel bad that my day on The Parent du Jour has come and I have not blogged in awhile. I know I’m not the most prolific blogger but still…
Many of my friends on FB know that part of it has been the back-to-back chaos of the last few weeks. Mike’s travel was at an all time high. M broke her ankle again AND got bit by a brown recluse spider, A sprained her ankle, B was having problems at school, A was struggling at school, M was a raging machine, the Littles were whiny messes and the car need $1400 of work the same week we started B’s orthodontia! Oh did I mention my black eye and Little Dude scratching his cornea!?!?
Yet my post on The Parent du Jour: Kate Semp Redefining Luxury acknowledges my guilt and attempt to try again each day! So head over there and read about more parents and how we are all just trying to get by one day at a time!
Spider....
Fury from M
Waiting....
Aaargh!
Tags: Parenting, social media, the parent du jour
M tore apart her bed
Recently I have been pretty open and honest on my FB and Twitter posts. The past few weeks have been hard and my kids are feeling the stress. And they are part of the stress. I’ve posted statuses and images about their behaviour. And it does not paint my kids behaviour or my parenting skills in a very good light.
I don’t think my kids’ behaviour is funny. The thing is I’m so blown away by some of the actions/behaviours/issues that instead of internalizing it I post it. So I can step back. So I don’t explode. Because if I don’t laugh I’m going to cry.
Don’t get me wrong. Life isn’t bad things are just hard right now. And apparently things come in threes…TIMES FIVE!! I’ve found that by talking (posting) about the things that are weighing on me I often find a someone that says, “YES, I get it! You are not alone.” And those few words can help infuse you with enough strength to believe you can start over tomorrow.
This “quote” is apparently a loose translation of Voltaire’s ”Le mieux est l’ennemi du bien.” from Voltaire’s Dictionnaire Philosophique (1764).
The first time I heard it I instantly thought of Mike. For years he has begged me, “isn’t it good enough?” and I would always answer “never”. It defines us so well I’m thinking our tombstones should look like this
I'm also thinking mine might end up saying "Died Trying"
So, I’ve made strides lately and I am beginning to understand the futility of always trying to be perfect or attain perfection but what I still don’t get is HOW do you decide when to call it good enough. I don’t know where/when to stop because I always feel like I could do it a little bit better or I just need to give some more effort or attention. I hate the idea of quitting without giving my best.
Apparently, I’m not supposed to call it ‘quitting’ but instead I am supposed to decide what I can live with and here is where I get confused and look at people like there are crazy and speaking Xhoso.
I don’t even feel like I can write about this subject clearly because I am so confused. I think it should be easy. There is a right way and a wrong way (just ask my dad) and if you do it the right way right now we’re all good.
Until your 8 year old turns to you and asks, “Why do you want us to be perfect?”. I’m shocked. I look at her like she is crazy. I don’t want her to be perfect. I just want her to be happy. I know she is working hard and giving life her best just like the rest of the kids. How can she doubt that? But as the other two Bigs chime in I realise that although I thought I was only pushing myself I was pushing them. Because they never see the end. They never see acceptance. They don’t see a mother step back and say, “That was a great day I’m happy with what we got done.” but instead “I should have done X, Y and Z and I still have 1, 2, and 3 to do.”
It’s hard when our kids hold the mirror up to us and it’s even harder to make changes to ourselves. But, I am more willing to make the changes FOR my kids because I also believe actions speak louder than words.
Tags: Parenting, Perfection
This world is full of beautiful things and great ideas. And I am full of BS thinking that I can do a lot of things ‘myself’. Because it looks easy… Or I can save money… Or I can save time… Or I can SAVE TIME AND MONEY!!
One of the brilliant ideas I had, last summer BTW, was to make the girls their own special smocks for art class. I wanted them to know how much I loved them and I want the world (aka art teacher and bunch of elementary school kids) to know how AWESOME I am!
This was going to be easy. It’s an art smock.
Plus, I have a sewing machine.
And I had a book that would tell me what to do. I can’t remember who but years ago I was turned on to Amy Karol’s Angry Chicken blog. She’s cool and totally what I’d want to be like if I went towards my more natural, holistic, homeschooling side. And, if I had creativity and talent! Anyway, the ideas on her site resonated with me as did her attitude so I bought her book Bend-the-Rules Sewing. It seemed to be the perfect way to get over my fear of sewing. I flipped through it. Ooooooh – love that material. Ohhhhhhh – I can totally do that! And then I closed the book and it made a nice decoration in my arts n’ crafts book shelf of unopened books.
And I have REALLY cool material that I bought because it was on Etsy. And she is local. And I had money in my PayPal account.
Because I like Math more than sewing
So, I got out all of my supplies and set up to make this easy smock with cool cotton laminate from Oilcloth Addict. Except, I couldn’t figure out the pattern because I had to make it hard…
And the cotton laminate was kinda expensive so I didn’t want to cut into it. So last year I made them smocks out of some material from forever ago – like before I was born forever.
This year I figured I needed to do something with all my cool stuff besides collect dust. So, with a lot of trepidation, a beer and my iPhone so I could refer to the Oilcloth Addict blog from helpful tips I tackled the art smocks again.
M took hers to school before I could take a picture. (Because I didn’t send it in with the school supplies which meant I MESSED UP!) They are not even close to perfect but then I realised – it’s an art smock they aren’t supposed to be perfect just protective! But still, the imperfections kind of kill me and I would go back but the girls got tired of waiting on me and took them to school as is.
Some tips…
Read the directions to your sewing machine.
Don’t drink tooooooo many beers.
Buy things made for you….
Annoyed
More Annoyed
Back
She's so cute...
But hard to get her to be still!
Tags: Amy Karol, Art Smocks, Crafty, Modern June
This Fall Maillie will be competing in her first gymnastics meet. Maillie has the benefit of participating in her first meet here in Richmond hosted by her own gym, Richmond Olympiad at U-Turn Sports Performance Academy November 12 – 13, 2011.
Richmond Olympiad Gymnastics Club, a youth sports non-profit, is looking for sponsors for this meet. There will be approximately 600 gymnasts participating in this meet not just from Virginia but also Maryland, North Carolina, Pennsylvania and West Virginia who will need to places to stay and eat. The event itself is expected to have about 2000 spectators.
If you, your business or a business you know of would like to get in front of this crowd please contact me at klsemp@gmail.com or (804) 502-9441 to talk about sponsorship options. U-Turn Sports Performance Academy is located at 2101 Maywill Street, Richmond VA 23230 near the numerous shops and restaurants around Willow Lawn.
An alternative to the larger sponsorships is to place an ad in the meet program. The program lists the gymnasts and is in the hands of all the spectators as well as the ad being digitally displayed during the meet. Submit a ‘good luck’ message to the competitors from your family or business. A full page ( 7 ½” x 10”) is only $100.
Tags: gymnastics, Richmond Fall Classic, Richmond Olympiad Gymnastics Club, VA USAG
