Yesterday my son told me that he wanted to get along with the kids at school. B teared up and said, “I want to be liked not just the kid with the most AR points or best at math.” I gave him a hug a reminded him of all the people who love and enjoy his company. I then said, “Being a kid. Being in school. It’s such a short slice of live.” To which he replied, ”I thought being a kid was supposed to be fun. Isn’t that what people always say? That these are the fun years.”
It’s heartbreaking when your kid hurts like that. I just want to fix it and a cuddle doesn’t always serve as the cure. Besides the hurt is also terrifies me. As someone who felt so lonely and depressed at one point I tried to take my own life I am incredibly fearful that one of my kids will be so sad that they will feel like there is no hope left.
I struggle to find the words and actions to support my kids. I remember as a kid thinking my parents didn’t understand. I rolled my eyes and the things they said; they just didn’t get it. The thing is we (parents/adults) do get it. And our ache for our children is deep because we know what that sadness can feel like. But we also know that things can and do get better. So I worry my words won’t help B.
As, I thought about how I could help B feel better and a little less negative I turned to Dr. Michele Borba’s site (you may have see her on The Today Show) for some more ideas. As I read through a variety of articles I thought about the importance of positive thinking and positive energy all the time. Moods spread – a dark cloud over our head or a smile walking into a room can affect everyone around you. With the holiday season on us there is a lot of stress and I am more negative in my thinking and behavior. As always with parenting actions speak louder than words. My son doesn’t just need my comforting words sometimes he needs my positive thoughts and actions all of the time.
Instead of the ‘burden’ of holiday stress I should be thinking of:-
- The 5 amazing kids who are healthy and able to participate in these fun activities.
- The joy of sharing another birthday and remembering the story of how this child came into my life.
- The friends and family that will be sitting around my table, that used to belong to my grandmother, supporting my kids events and sharing love.
- The time my husband will be able to take to enjoy all of this with us. And how lucky I am he works so hard so I can stay home and we all can do the many things we do.
- The fact that even though things break around the house and being an adult isn’t always easy it’s not so easy being a kid either.
Just as I often say that having choices is a luxuries so are these ‘burdens’ because they are truly not burdens.
I hope B finds that these hard times are such a small part of childhood and the quality of good friendships outweigh the quantity of friends.
Articles from Dr. Borba’s site
Raising Optimistic Kids
Helping Kids Find, Make and Keep Friends
Tags: Kids, making friends, Parenting, positive thinking, resi, suicide
