When Kids Hold a Mirror Up to Adults – The Election Process?
This week the kids decided to hold an election.
It went something like this…
Campaign promises
Announcing the candidates
Speeches
Rebuttal
The votes are in!
The Question is Not Are We Escalating the Fear but What Are We Afraid Of?
When I heard the news of the shooting and death of Trayvon Martin I was shocked. WTF happened? I went in search of more information only to go from shock to outrage. A kid is dead. Walking home through his family’s neighborhood?!? What happened?
image from newsone.com
image from newsone.com
All we know is what one person has to say. The one alive, facing no charges, who carried a gun and was told NOT to follow this boy.
The other day I heard ‘The Professionals’ on The Today Show talking about Trayvon and the current media attention and question came up. Is all the attention a good thing or bad thing? Is all this attention escalating the fear level?
I’m worried – what fear are you talking about?
Here’s is what scares me. An African-American mother living right down the street to me has to teach her child to look both ways when you cross the street, wear a helmet when you ride your bike, don’t talk to strangers and know that people will assume the worst of you because of your skin color? I don’t know any Caucasian moms that have that on their list of things to talk about. That’s not just wrong it’s sick.
It is time for folks to stop acting as if the burden is on African-Americans to act some way that is ‘right’ and accept that the responsibility is on each of us to not tolerate any kind of bigotry and racism.
Friends of the shooter say he is not a racist. But he made a judgement about someone based solely on their looks. What kind of decision making is that?
I don’t agree with Donny Deutch thinking that it is escalating the fear (Normally The Today Show likes to put up clips from this segment but oddly I can’t find anything when I Google except this post from ebonymompolitics.wordpress.com not affiliate with the show) but I do hear what he is saying about his kids. When talking about Trayvon with my kids there was an incredible beauty to their confusion.
Kids – But why? But what did he do?
Me – Nothing. He was walking through the neighborhood back from the convenience store wearing a hoodie.
Kids – What was wrong with his hoodie?
Me – We are concerned that African-American boys are being judged by their skin color and the way they dress.
Kids – I still don’t understand.
Me – For some people there is a false idea any African-American man is suspicious. That’s bigotry and racism.
Kids – Well, boys are meaner than girls at school. Well, girls are meaner but boys push and trip. And, it’s always the kids that think they are better than others that are the meanest. But, I still don’t understand. What did he do?
Me – He scared another man walking through a neighborhood wearing a hoodie. Just existing in that space at that time.
Kids – Well that guy had a gun so I bet Trayvon was more scared.
It’s my job to teach my my kids continue to see past skin color, hair color, tattoos, dialects and hoodies. It is also my job to lead by example but and STAND UP for others. By allowing bigoted or racists jokes, comments and judgements to continue we are a part of the problem.
Please also read this great post from Lisa Duggan, The Parent Du Jour and The Motherhood Blog, about her experience at the Million Hoodie March at Union Square.
Read More
Real Richmond Parents: Paving the Road with Appreciation
Also posted on Richmondmom.com
This week I received an email from the PTA regarding Henrico County proposed budget changes and one of the items is an across the board reduction in pay for the bus drivers. As I reviewed the email and the information regarding the Pupil Transportation Program Evaluation and the Transportation Efficiency Recommendations I thought about the drivers and the role they play in my children’s education.
Bus drivers have to fill in for each other, run multiple routes and be able to change their schedule if the school closes earlier. Not to mention the impact when we have severe or winter weather.
So as I thought about this I had the idea to borrow a brilliant idea from my friend Patience (aka Kindnessgirl) who suggested a period time to thank our garbage collectors. (You can read more about it at A Kindness Mission for Garbage Collectors and we said thanks…oh, yes we did).
I am thinking that next week we take the time, not because it’s Christmas or the end-of-year, but simply to recognize our bus drivers; to say, “Thank you” and let them know we appreciate the job they do. It can be anything – take time in the morning/afternoon to go the bus stop, a note, a flower
To borrow the words from Patience:
“Here is the kindness mission, if you would like to join us:”
1. Between February 21 and February 24 write a note of thanks to your bus driver.
2. You may want to include a gift card for coffee from your local coffee shop or gas station or another token of appreciation.
3. Spread the word. Share this post on your Facebook page, Twitter, email or word of mouth.
4. Take a picture and share it on Richmondmom Junkies Facebook page or post in our comments below.
This post is not the forum for discussing the budget and where we stand on this issue and other issues as Henrico County provides opportunities for feedback.
Read More
Carpooling – Do We Choose Convenience Over Safety
This week Seattle Mama Doc posted about Carpooling Reduces Booster Seat Use. I don’t put 100% stock in car seat data because we know so many are improperly installed/used and efficacy is based on proper use. But, it did get me thinking a bit more about carpooling and parenting. I don’t ask folks about their driving record… have they had a speeding ticket or DUI, how fast do go, any fender benders, do you text and drive, talk and drive? In terms of my child’s safety when carpooling is this information any less important?
I have not asked any of my friends those questions and I’m probably not going to. I am also inconsistent about car seats. I don’t have a set policy but instead deal with each child as warranted. Just as I make every effort to find out what the other parent feels comfortable with when their child is riding with me.
There are parenting days where I am super “What if this happens? What if I didn’t do everything JUST RIGHT?” And, at other times I have remember that life is about living and not worrying about living. We can control what we can control and let the rest go. No matter how perfect we try to make today we can’t control what tomorrow may bring.
I believe I make good choices and I believe I am teaching my kids to make good choices. They buckle up and ask others to do the same if they have not done so. And, like the awesome secret keepers they are, the kids tell me when other families do things differently or things they don’t agree with. As a parent that is an opportunity for us to talk to our kids about differences and how to make choices that fit within our/their values and beliefs. I hope we are teaching our kids to speak up and ask the driver not to text and drive or to say to us, “I’m not comfortable riding with XXX anymore.” because that is a part of their long term safety not just a moment of convenience.
Oh, and I hope all these folks are as strict about letting their kids drive as they are about car seats! Because I am WAY less worried about my 8yo riding around without a booster seat than I am ANY 16yo driving.
Dr. Wendy Sue Swanson, Seattle Mama Doc
Twitter @SeattleMamDoc
Safe Kids www.safekids.com
National Highway Transportation Safety Administration – Child Safety, Teen Drivers, Distracted Driving
Read More
You Can Make More Room in Your Heart But Not the Bed
King Bed - and that's my share
Part of my parenting style has been co-sleeping. It was not a plan I had just what felt right. When B was 4mos Mike wanted to put him in the crib so Mike could get some sleep. I burst into tears and it lasted about 20 minutes. Around 10 months I’m pretty sure B told us to put him in his own bed. If you know B this is probably true.
A on the other hand still does not like to sleep alone. Which is a bit problematic since she also likes to sleep with the light on and the others don’t. M and M2 naturally progressed and I think the idea of moving in with siblings motivated them so by the time they were two they were eager to sleep in big kid beds instead of with us.
But Little Dude is a whole different story. He refuses to sleep anywhere but in our bed. And he is miserable to sleep with. He talks in his sleep, he tucks his feet in my pajama bottoms, he does 360s, he sleeps on my head, he throws his arm over my neck…. all in the same night! Some nights in he will start in his bed but he ALWAYS ends up in our bed. I would force the issue but I have another issue. Little Dude isn’t quite growing at a normal rate. He’s barely growing at any rate. And when do you get a surge in GH production? When you sleep. So, I feel like getting Little Dude to get good night of sleep trumps where he sleeps and if I get a good night of sleep. I’m guessing some day he’ll want to sleep with another person and won’t want me around!
This post, Baby Sleep Positions, from DrMomma.org recently made the rounds on FB with images from How To Be a Dad.
"H is for Hell" from howtobeadad.com
Parenting Philosophies Got Tossed Out With the Bath Water
Recently on FB there was a link to Where Child-Rearing PhilosophiesReally Come Frombeing shared and enjoyed by many parents. My comment was simple, “My philosophy is get through the day.” I can’t take anything more complicated than that because getting through the day is hard enough. Think about it – the basics are waking them up, feeding them and then getting them back in bed. Any parent knows those are not simple parts of the day.
Throw out the philosophies not the kids.
Everyone can have a bad day. Even babies. There is a there are idioms like ” Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed?” Some days it’s hard to get motivated or every little thing irritates us. There are so many factors in our lives there is no way to expect that we feel and react to each day the same way. BUT… Moods spread. Faster than germs in a preschool.
For me a huge piece to my parenting philosophie has to do with accepting who my kids are, that we are all different and we are not going to react to things the same way. Accepting that does not mean tolerating whatever they throw at me and vice versa.
In our house taking a break or removing the mood from the rest of the house is key to not letting things hit disaster level. If that means I need to lock the doors and head to my room for a few minutes, make a new cup of tea/coffee, turn up the music really load (to drown out the screaming) or turn on the TV I will do it. Kids have to find a place away from the rest of us until they feel they have their moods under control. Not a better mood necessarily because it’s not always feasible but under control.
If I can’t get a break or it doesn’t work we get out of the house (you should have seen my Target receipts before I had kids in school). I have found my kids and I behave better in public because of the fear that people we know might see us. Peer pressure is not all bad.
Surviving the day is not the simple answer but getting through the day is enough. Getting a hot shower, putting make-up on, going to the bathroom alone, reading a book, chatting with a friend…that’s just a bonus, right?
Read More